drowning
by MissingMommy
Summary: He's drowning and she can't do a thing about it. :: Rose/TenTwo, for Zoey


You knew this day was coming – there's not much you don't know. But you had hoped that it wouldn't be so soon, hoped that you would have another fifty years with Rose before this happened.

Meta-Crisis.

While your body is better equipped than Donna Noble's body to handle the crisis, you still have a Time Lord consciousness in a human body. And that makes you a firestorm with all the kenneling to start.

* * *

The first spark happens two years after Donna and yourself left you in Rose's Alternate Universe. The day is uneventful, as is every other day.

Except, when Rose starts talking about the travels again, and you try to say, "You miss it." But what comes out instead is, "You, you, you miss it."

Rose gives you a questioning look, but you just smile at her instead. Just because you know what is happening doesn't mean you have to scare her. "Of course I do," she replies. "Can't you build another TARDIS?"

You laugh. "I'm a Time Lord, Rose, not an engineer."

* * *

Your head hurts. It feels like a dozen stars screaming at once, and you can't get it to stop. Rose has given you a dose of medicine that you know won't help. She runs her fingers through your hair comfortingly.

"I'm fine," you insist. You really don't want her to worry.

She gives you a disbelieving look. "You are so far from fine right now, Doctor. There's really no reason to lie to me."

"I'm not. I'll be just fine. You watch me, Rose Tyler."

* * *

The images are tearing through your brain, wreaking havoc on everything. And you're in a constant pain. You wish that you had someone there to take away these memories, like you're sure the _real_ Doctor did for Donna, but you don't have the option.

But, despite the pain, when Rose looks at you, it hurts you even more. Because she doesn't know what's happening. You just can't bring yourself to tell her that soon, your own memories will kill you.

* * *

"What is going on?" she asks you. You try to shake your head, but it feels too heavy. "Please, tell me," she begs.

You can see tears welling up in her eyes. "I, I, I, I'm dying," you say.

Her watery eyes widen. "What?"

"The meta-meta-meta-crisis….it never happened to-to-to humans before. It-it-it can't. They aren't e-e-equipped to hand-hand-handle this. Memories are killing me," you stutter through.

"What can I do?"

You manage enough strength to shake your head. "Nothing," you reply sadly. It breaks your – only – heart when she starts to cry. You lift your hand and rest it on top of hers, trying to offer her comfort.

* * *

You lay in bed because it takes too much strength to move, to do anything. It reminds you of the Regeneration that the _real_ Doctor spent with her.

"I don't know what to do, Mum," you hear her through the door. "He's getting worse." You can hear the sadness in her voice, and you desperately wish that you couldn't.

Jackie's voice rings out, loud and clear. "Just be with him. That's the only thing you can do."

* * *

It takes too much effort to move, so you lay in bed with your eyes closed, breathing slowly and shallowly. You don't bother to open your eyes as the door opens because you know that it's only Rose.

She sits down beside you and takes your hand in her own. Her hand is far cooler than yours. "Don't do this to me, Doctor. Please don't do this," she begs. You can feel her shake with the force of her sobs. "Please."

You work up just enough strength to whisper, "I'm sorry."

She cries harder.

* * *

Everything becomes blinding. Your memories flash before your eyes in rapid succession – all eight hundred years of it. You are drowning in your memories, and you think that this just might be what it feels like to die.

Until she takes your hand in hers again. She brings you back down to reality.

You open your eyes for the first time in far too long, because you want her face to be the last thing that you see. She is smiling down at you; it's watery and full of pain, but it shows that she's happy to see you open your eyes.

"R-Rose," you whisper.

She leans over you, tightening her grip on your hand. "I'm right here, Doctor! Right here."

"Find him," you tell her. Because this might be the last conversation you have with her. "F-f-find your Doctor."

"You _are_ my Doctor!" she exclaims.

You can't find the strength to keep your eyes open. When you close them, you feel her hand on your cheek, so cool. "Doctor, look at me."

The last of the wall in your head that kept all of the Time Lord memories at bay breaks. You scream out in agony.

"Doctor!" she cries.

All of the memories explode in your mind at once. Upon viewing them so rapidly, they break you. "Doctor! Regenerate. Please! I'm sure you can do it."

The last thing you hear is her crying. And you think there is no better way to go than by her side.

**A/n – so many thanks to Paula who beta'd without having a clue. **


End file.
